all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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