two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
