She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
