I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
