my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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