I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
