omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
