The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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