Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
