just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
