You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
