It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize