He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
