Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
