and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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