WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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