I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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