i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Even my vagina gasped.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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