I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
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