nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
