One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
