this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
