Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
