did you get engaged???
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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