I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
