he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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