brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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