I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize