Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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