We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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