I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
