Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
