Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
