Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize