Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
