Ambien. No doubt about it.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
