whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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