are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
