ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
