im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
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