17 year olds will be the death of me.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
