But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
