the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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