She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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