Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
