I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
