I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
