Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
