I am puke
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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