Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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