He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
