I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
