He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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