"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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