Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize