i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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