i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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