Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
No I am not eating basil off your cock
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
