The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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