I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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