his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
