Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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