Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
