Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Randomize