Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
