Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
