when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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