Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
