Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
