Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
