Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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