she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
