that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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