its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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