How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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