We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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