i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
