Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
