i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Randomize
